Khan News Correction. Human Roadkill: 3 Dead.

Briggy, this post is for you.

Mr Pamma Bhatt is sat in Reception watching a bit of TV News and chatting to his good friend Mr Anil Deshmukh, veritable owner of Marol Residency, Guesthouse, Marol, Andheri East, opposite to Seven Hills Hospital, near to Marol Bus Depot.

Pamma has just confirmed Constance's story. Salman Khan the famous Bollywood actor was drunk while driving. He careered into a group of Bakers who were sleeping in the street. He injured 8 of them, killing 3.

I think Khan deserves to spend the rest of his living days in Hellfire. Forever. On this occasion, I will use the word FOREVER. I hope that on the Day of Judgment, his Maker will not spare him. I understand that there is no Islamic equivalent of the medieval Western concept of Purgatory as such. But I am no scholar on these matters, so I could well be wrong.

I'd like to think that wrong 'uns who buy their way out of incarceration and punishment on one occasion will be punished 10-fold in other areas of their life. On earth, in this mortal life. Not some made-up Organised Religion's version of 'Life'. They are just deluded. The Christians, Muslims, the Mafia, The KKK, The Neo-God's Marines. WhatEver. More on religion another day. And lots of days thereafter.

Wouldn't you agree that Salman might possibly benefit from changing the vowel in his surname from an 'A' to an 'U'? I would also insist on a very sharp accented version of the letter 'T' right at the very end. As in 'Tut!". All in CAPITALS too. 

You don't want me to actually spell it out, do you? I'm sweary enough as it is ...

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Dramalogue: Vehicle Show Room for the Upper Echelons of Society.

The Rich and Powerful will be driving Panzers IV next! Err, darn it. They already did back in the 1940s ... doh.

For some Bollywood stars and other egomaniacal doughnuts, might I suggest the Leopard 2A4 model series, 2010, with turret snorkel?

[The mega-rich love to buy hardware that have extra accessories that are entirely superfluous to their needs. For example, Mountain bikes when they first came out in the 1980s in London. How many mountains do you know of in that city? Land Cruisers and Hunter Wellies for the bourgeois mothers of Battersea. They're the kind of neurotics that would squeal at the thought of dirtying their Range Rover Evoques if driving over a micro-puddle on the Kings Road. Oh, Jamie, mummy's going to have to take the car to get a valet service for the fifth time this week. It's endless. And Thomas Pink haven't got the shirts that daddy love to wear. I'd better made an appointment with Dr Carrington. Mummy's not coping again. Time for more of those lovely little benzos ... Mum! That was a wheelchair user at the zebra crossing, and you just missed her by an inch. Mm, Did you just say something, darling? Where's that Isobel Marant shop gone? Crash. New Range Rover mounts kerb and hits a 44 year old father of three. After 3 days in the Intensive Care Unit, Chelsea & Westminster Hospital, all monitors begin flatlining. While his soul leaves his carcass, his 38 year wife is left holding their 2 year old baby girl, and 4 year old identical twin boys. Such is life, eh?]

So terribly sorry. Back to the vehicle showroom.

Sir, The Leopard 2A4 is far better for charging about the Mumbai and its suburbs. Mowing down a bit of forest and large predators in the Greenbelt near Marol while you're about it can be very exciting. I rather think that if you come a cropper, while under the influence of alcohol - and a mixture of cocaine, heroine. If you happen to miss the Baker's shop, and mistakenly ram your vehicle into the adjacent stinking-stagnant-open sewage-death river instead, the Turret Snorkel might come in handy, no?

M'Lord, I hasten to point out that there are bun trays of Bakers and Bakeries on en route too. Though if you haven't had your fill of killing Bakers, then might I be so bold as to suggest a slight detour via Military Road, Marol, Andheri East? Right by the corner of the New Saziss Diary. (Ah, excellent Cutting, Full and Goldens Teas are served there. Not that your Highness, nor minions for that matter, even consider looking through the hi-tech panoramic periscope sight. I do beg your Royal Highness' pardon.)

You can squish to your heart's content - all night long, any night of the week - Mr Khan. It would be no hassle at all for the servants to hose down the human organic mess off the tank treads. A discount Sir? Oh, we're loaning it to you for 12 months. As long as you will become the Face of the Leopard 2A4 till Judgment Day. Do we take American Express? Of course, we take all kinds of bribes from the Western and Indian military powers too. Yes, of course, Sir, Your Wish is My Command. That is our Company motto. Thank you so much, Sir. Have a Bloody Nice Day, and mind how you go, won't you? you jammy doughnut.

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NB

I just looked up the Salman Khan story myself. Perhaps Mr Bhatt might not be the most reliable news source in Mumbai. Not wishing to diminish Mr Bhatt's fine reputation - I hasten to add that this Bollywood balls-up happened back in 2002. According to The Indian Express, four were injured and one person was killed.

I love the way the paper announced as a 'hit and run mishap'. Wouldn't that imply that Bakers were 'mishaps' - maybe because they have the effrontery to sleep rough on the street? And that Khan was just a tad naughty for killing and maiming? Oo, slapped wristies, Salman!

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/salman-was-drunk-during-hitandrun-mishap-court/622333

Have I over-egged the pudding yet? I hope so.

I'd also like to think Khan and others who have not justly 'done their time' or atoned for their reckless actions will be filling their Calvin Kleins with piles of Pain aux Chocolat for the rest of their living days.